Monday, April 21, 2014

When a Two-Year Old Says Your Name

Thoughts are rolling around my brain. I know I shall never get them all out in any semblance of order, finesse, etc.

So here we go:
* Title - I just returned from Easter weekend filled with two-year old loving, sisterly shopping, and sweet family time. Y'all, this certain Little Miss is quite the character and oh gracious, I love her to pieces! I could just eat her up! She is stinkin' hilarious and hearing her sweet voice call me Tia Abby, makes my heart melt in a puddle.

* My sister is just darling and amazing! I watch her be a wife, mom, full-time employee, and skilled at so many things. I don't know how she does it! And Hannah has such patience with the Munchkin, that I stand amazed! I also discovered this weekend, the Lord would have to do some serious work on my heart to raise children - I don't know how they tell them no! I'm sure it is different with your own. Yes, I did say no at times to her, but look at that face! Aw!

* The purchase of a new Bible is imminent. I'm procrastinating on buying one. Literally the covering is flaking off into pieces all over my clothing. We've been on some intense journeys in this particular copy of the Word. I think it is why I am hanging on to it.

* Jennie Allen - one of my new favorite speakers! She spoke at our women's retreat a few weeks ago and I bawled through the whole thing (yes, it was a day long event - judge it you want). So hit where my heart is at with purpose and pursuing the things of the Lord. I resonated with her heart of ache for the women of our culture/generation and the deep desire to see them live passionately for Jesus. Amazing!

* My neighbors had a tiny baby last week and I met her today. Ridiculous the-Lord-got-my-attention-in-that-one moment! She is tiny and darling and I can't wait to hold her (yes, y'all know I am going to ask - I love babies! It doesn't matter I haven't learned her parents names, yet). 

* Hello, allergies. Enough said. 

* Two hymnals are sitting on my bed - one in English and one in Spanish. Why? I love hymns. Easter morning, we sang hymns and Hannah poked her elbow into my side because I was so excited! And their church has an organ and y'all, Easter hymns with an organ - flashbacks to childhood memories. LOVE IT! There is such a majestic sound in singing about the resurrected Jesus alongside an organ. Yes, I am old school. 

* And just because she is adorable! 

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Relieving a College Experience

Testing, testing. Does this blog still work?

I had a flashback tonight of my first year of college.

Remember being a freshman who knows no one (except for perhaps your roommate, whom you met the day you moved in - people, this is before there was Facebook to stalk, ahem, investigate). Then you have to go to the cafeteria. Alone. With your tray. You frantically scan the never-ending room, desperately hoping you see a familiar face. (This is pre-Moody, where bro/sis floors gave you an optionally assigned table, so you at least had somewhere to sit and know people).

I hated that feeling. The lostness and the aloneness. Ugh.
Then you grow up, or so you think. You feel confident and assured and a little, "I got this". And then. It happens. You realize you are not as go-get-'em as you think.

That was tonight.
It was volunteer appreciation dinner night. I help with the kiddos, whom I love and am so thankful to be a part of their lives each week. There isn't a consistent/weekly volunteer with me, so there is either no one or a different person each week in there with me.

I walk in, do the quick scan and don't know a single person. Seriously. I've met the children's director and volunteer recruiter, but don't a single person's name. It was that panicked "WHERE DO I SIT?" feeling all over again.
Eyes frantically scanning, for a familiar face. Could it be one person I know who helps with toddlers will be there? I consider texting her, but refrain. There are chairs with designer handbags, holding spots, random empty chairs. I search even for an empty table, just to be alone (yes, I'm a retreater at times). Nothing.

I spot an option. It makes sense. There is a Hispanic family sitting at a table. Perfect. I sit down quickly. Introduce myself. And awkwardly sit.
I will admit, the internal conversation of "Should I just leave? No one will notice if I'm gone. but then I'll have to walk through the greeting people at the door and that's awkward. Abby, put on your big girl panties and just stay. Sheesh." Yes, these internal conversations are normal.

Then I realize several things:
1). Girl, you have got some insecurities that need to be worked out.
2). Replace the lies with truth about who you are.
3). Be a listener.

I walked away with the following:
* Everyone has a story and they are amazing! I heard just a couple from those at my table and I was awed.
* Be willing to listen - you never know what redemption story you might hear.
* Grownups might be scarier than kids.
* The body of Christ continues to amaze me in its diversity and vastness. The combination of people at the table I sat was astounding.
* People will still think my name is Amy even after I've introduced myself and I'm wearing a name tag.
* French toast in an interesting dessert choice.